The restaurant industry is full of situations that test even the strongest people. Situations happen when you least expect it. A full bar on a Tuesday night after weeks, maybe months of quiet. A Host seats your entire section in 10 minutes. The Chef losing their mind because a line cook didn’t show up for Saturday night service. A guest who is sucking all your time, life and what feels like air out of you.
It happens, and in those moments the situation sometimes turns you into a person that you are not proud of. You are irritable, you are snappy, your chest is tight or there is a ball in the pit of your stomach. You are overwhelmed.
Wait, what?
NO! I can’t be overwhelmed.
That’s not allowed right now...I have to be a f*cking swan!
But you aren’t. You are human, and you are just doing the best you can.
Ok, so if you are just doing your best in these moments. Then it also might in fact mean that the bartender who is a beast, and the Chef who is throwing stuff across the kitchen the manager who is always an a-hole, or the owner who is totally unreasonable...or, the server who just walked out in the middle of service leaving you to pick up another section on top of your own. They might just be doing their best too.
If that’s the case, then what does that mean for all of us who work in this industry?
We are at a crossroads here, because now so many of us are waking up to the realities of the culture of overwhelm that we have all participated in creating, continuing, and fostering.
I do not say this because I'm being judgy. I’ve contributed to it myself over the years. Pushing myself beyond my own natural limitations. Taking other people down with me when I toppled into spaces of anger, resentment, loud complaints, and occasionally tears. Even worse, forcing people to go beyond their own limitations when I knew it wasn’t good for them. Judging myself in unnecessary ways for not performing the way “I was supposed to.” Or even worse, “not having a thick enough skin” to work in an industry that I fundamentally love. No, I’m not judging. I’m pointing out a truth that every person in our industry has felt and continues to deal with, often on a daily basis.
I'm pointing this out because I, like so many of us, was never provided the necessary tools to operate our businesses and cope with the pressure of our jobs.
The question I would like to pose is:
How do we begin to create a better path forward?
For ourselves
&
For the people we absolutely want to draw into our industry
People who love people
People who love food
People who want to create amazing experiences for others
The fact is that restaurants before the pandemic were full of highly talented and experienced people, and since the pandemic has calmed down and doors are back open, those amazing people are gone and are not coming back.
Overwhelming as this problem might be, it’s like all massive hurdles that are faced. It can only begin to change when there are enough of us willing to take the small steps needed to begin making the changes in our own minds. Beginning with how we deal with overwhelming scenarios that happen every day in our work. None of us can control the situations that come up, we can only control how we are responding to them in the moments they happen, and in the resulting anxiety and stress when we are alone in our reflections.
It's rare that we truly allow these situations to roll off our backs. More often we absorb them. Many of us choose an easily accessible path for coping, alcohol, and drugs. How many of our greats have gone down because of addiction? We don't judge them because in the end we understand why it happened. We push down our feelings shoving them deep inside and then only allow the devils to come out when the booze flows or the hit happens.
Often times, it seems like the easier way to deal than really addressing the problem. After all it feels as though you are fighting massive waves coming at you. I would argue though, that we are all far more powerful than we allow ourselves to be. It begins by calming our minds and creating space for ourselves to heal.
The colleagues who have left, never to come back, are gone because they had space created for them to clear their minds. To lift themselves above the waves. It was forced and uncomfortable and challenging. Some fell entirely with the weight of it. Others were forced into other work and found it didn't crush them the way restaurant work did and so they have remained there. They chose to stay away in order to avoid the trap again. Many of us who remain, question. A few of us have begun to help each other heal and face the issues head on.
I can only encourage you, my fellow food people to just begin paying attention. Pay attention to how the situations we face every day make us feel. Really feel. Feel your feet. Feel your chest. Feel your stomach. Feel your shoulders. Feel your words that result. If feeling your feet, in those moments gives you a moment to realize what you are doing. That you are just doing the best you can, and the people in front of you are doing the best they can. Then we can begin to make the changes we need as individuals to create the larger change we absolutely need.
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